at work today...

or yesterday....i can't really tell because when you have two eleven hour shifts back to back they sort of run into each other. aaaaanyway, i will not EVER use this blog to bitch about my job {that's what face to face is for}. BUT, i will say that today, a LOT of people were breaking Wheaton's Law.

also, if you don't know who Wil Wheaton is, please look him up before you talk to me ever again. suffice to say, today, people were not the glowing examples of humanity that i have come to hope they would be.
Moving On.
one thing that i have noticed, being out in the public so often as i am, is that there is a horrible affliction amongst our female youth. now, i don't know what crazy celebrity made this popular, or what crack induced head trip facilitated its rise, or even what negligence on the part of decent human beings has allowed it to continue, but THIS:

+

does NOT equal an outfit! IT DOESN'T! put some damn pants on, we are ALL begging you! if i have to look at one more woman, tween to coug, wearing a pair of almost tights and a freaking FLEECE, i am going to snap! There will be blood {minus the whole milkshake conundrum}!! what makes it even worse, I think, is the hair do{n't}s that are so popular right now. 

now, i know i'm only twenty three and not exactly what one would call a fashionista, but most people that know me would say that i have a particular style and that it works for me. and i am also not one to really care what people think of what i wear to the extent that i will let some social idea dictate my wardrobe or cause me to feel bad about myself {i have enough self esteem problems without the help of what's 'hip" thankyouverymuch}. 

HOWEVER:

this. is. DUMB. you know who should be bumping their hair? in my opinion, not really anyone, but if i have to concede, i will say that unless you can can pull it off like THIS:

and, let's face it, who can, don't freakin do it. because you know what's NOT cute? the 'snookie bump' which is something so horrifying that i won't even bother putting a picture here because i want people to come back and not egg my house {same reason i don't put up any pics of amy winehouse /shudder...} 

now, i'm sorry if this steps on toes or you think i'm making some kind of terrible, broad generalization, but here's the thing. the kinds of girls that I have noticed tend to try to do everything at once. the no pants/skirt outfit, the stupid tall hair that we should all just let die unless we are in a period piece {or going to a themed party, duh} and the awful, cringe-worthy, spatula applied makeup. 

wipe some of it off crazy! which is not to say 'no makeup grr' because i LOVE makeup. i love to wear cool lipstick colours and i usually wear a little blush and mascara. but i also know when to say when. so most days i look like a human being instead of something out of stephen king's nightmares. and i'm going to do something COMPLETELY out of character here in order to REALLY get my point across about this:

oh holy god why. i ask myself that every day at work. 

listen, i know i am coming off incredibly self-righteous here, and i understand that, but i guess all that i am really trying to say, in the midst of this rant which is obviously the result of not saying anything for FAR too long because at work im. not. allowed, is, calm down crazy, you're wacked out idea of what's 'hott' is freaking people out. please, chill out. for the children. do it for the children. 

...please?

well...now that that's done, i suppose that i don't really have anything else to say. it's almost new years and i will be afk until saturday at the earliest, but probably sunday, if i'm being realistic {which i'm usually not}. i've got two more very long shifts, a new years party and TRON to get under way in the next three days so most of my interwebbing will probably be done at work, half asleep, which i think will definitely make for some quality literature. and so, i leave you with this wisdom:

'raiding an englishman's fridge is like dating a nun; youre never gonna get the good stuff'

cheers!

~*~

DFTBA

thinkin about stuff...

when i thought, 'hey! you keep telling these lovely people that you are sick. but this is just insanity! they wont possibly believe that you are STILL sick! you suck. quit lying. loser.'
yea, i'm not being terribly nice to myself at the present moment. however. my self is totally right. at this point you're probably like, 'what a faker, she's totally not still sick, she just wants the attention.'
funfact numero 1: of course i want the attention. i am an actor. i ALWAYS want attention.
funfact numero 2: that doesn't make me less sick.
it's going on day eleven now, and i'm starting to mildly freak my noggin. things in corey land are full of 'get better' type thingies.

that's some mentholatum from like, nineteen seventy-five or something. but whatever, it's all we had in the medicine cabinet. {it works total wonders btw} i've got it under my nosey because i can't really breathe lying down. which is fun {false}. and makes me want to make dirty jokes. because i am a pervert {truth}.

that's some cough syrup. it's got codeine in it, so i can only use it right before bed because codeine and i are kind of in a fight ever since that time i got that bad sinus and respiratory infection. back in SEVENTH GRADE. you'd think we would have gotten over that hurdle and moved on by now, but no. codeine is a bitch. a whiny, grudge holding, beautiful bitch.

i've gone through about three boxes of these. and a whole roll of extra soft toilet paper when i ran out of kleenex. so, there was a whole day a while back, right around the time of my last blog, and i mentioned how i wasn't having to blow my nose anymore. welllllp...that ended real fuckin quick. now i can't go more than twenty minutes...if i'm LUCKY. so, my nose is super raw and i'm pretty sure that my brains have started coming out as well. awesome. and very lady-like.

i'm a LADY, ya greezy bastard!

ten thousand points to who ever can name that movie. {ps i love wanda sykes}
also, a point of  frustration in my life during all this {aside from finances, of course} is that i cannot sleep. and so, i have taken my father's advice and gotten some of THIS magical stuff:

when i couple it with sleepy time tea:

i can FINALLY get to sleep at a decent hour. which is awesome, unless of course you think about the fact that even when i DO get to sleep before 01:00 i still end up sleeping till almost 16:00 because my sleep schedule is TOTALLY effed. so there goes MY day. but it is truly helpful to have the melatonin because it sort of forces my brain to relax and that means that it can't keep me awake thinking about all of the things that i have to worry about that i wont bug you with here because if i write them down they will probably seem kind of shallow and stupid, and that will just make me feel guilty for thinking about them which will lead to a whole different technicolour shame spiral that i don't even wanna THINK about right now {i'm already melatonin'd up and halfway thru my sleepytime tea, you see}.

anyway, back to my arsenal of remedies.
when i was still in college i was in a production of 'the iceman cometh' by eugene oniell. during this production, a butt ton of us got REAL sick, and a cast member showed me a little remedy he liked to call 'the asskicker.' 'why would you call it this?' you might be asking. 'be patient and i'll show you. geeeze!' is what i probably would say because i don't feel good and that makes me snarky{ier than usual}.

anyway, 'the asskicker' is a magic remedy made of EmergenC and an alka seltzer plus cold and flu tablet. now, i've only got a couple packets left of the old alka seltzers, so i'm probably going to have to break them in half or something, but that's not the point. the point is that one of these things will effervesce the freaking PANTS off you. like, 'one of these days, alice, POW, right to the moon!' it's THAT intense. so my hope is that these amazing effervescent dream boats will get me through my next week of work, which are two eleven hour shifts, new years eve, and then a ten hour shift. which is cool because, well, make money money, but less cool because, well, i can't really breathe. but. ya know. whatever.
so along with this awesome sinus fiasco comes a monster size headache. basically i've been chewin' through ibuprofen like i chew through social red tape. which is a pretty unbelievable thing to witness.  trust me. but something that i have found that really helps with the whole headache thing, is this:

it's peppermint oil. and basically it's an essential oil, so it's essential that you be ultra careful {i slay me}, and what you do is you put a tiny drop on each of your temples and you massage it in. it makes the skin on your temples kind of tingly, makes your headache suck less, and BONUS, makes you smell like a delicious peppermint treat, and for those of you who have been around me lately, you know that peppermint is totally my thing right now.
another fun thing i can do to reduce the pain in my head is to take this:

which i am sure you all recognise. you would think that after ten days this stuff would have emptied my head completely of any and all offending mucus {hott}. but noooOOOooo. still a snot factory in there {yes fellas, she's STILL available!}.
now, i've already mentioned that i can't really breathe to well. well, that's partly because this thing seems to have weaseled its way into my respiratory system, and partly because my nose is plugged up. awesome. but both of these problems have led to one very uncomfortable outcome. i can't breathe when i sleep. which means that i sleep with my mouth open. and you know what THAT means? i have five, FIVE, splits in my lips. OW. so basically, i have become a very VERY big fan of this:

i have to put it on my lips at night or else i wake up and yawn and then immediately wish i  was dead. i like to last at LEAST until i turn on the lights and get that headache REALLY crankin before i reach that point.
and, last but not least, the thing that i think has really been getting me through all of this {and no, i don't mean n.c.i.s. although it has played a large role} is this:

my teddy bear. pooky. when he isn't judging me, he is very sweet and supportive. like now. his cuddly little face and unerring positive attitude have really helped me get through this. and yes, i know that i am a grown woman of twenty three years, and yes i know it is a little silly to rely on a teddy bear, but, i mean, come on. look at that little face!
so, i guess this has kind of turned into a 'here's what you can do to feel better' kind of a thing, which is cool, i'm ok with that, but also it's kind of a thing saying if you have gotten sick, and it is taking you a thousand years to get better, i am right there with you and i totally understand.
ALSO, this illness has given me some REALLY weird dreams. this morning after i woke up i almost called one of my BEST friends, FURIOUS with him, before i realized that i wasn't actually mad at him, it was just a dream and he hadn't really done anything wrong. but in my dream, ho boy, he was really in trouble.
anywhooo, i guess that that is all i really have to say. i will be afk for a little while, but while i am away, if you are new to me, you should check out my youtube channel which is here:
http://www.youtube.com/user/auroracorealis?feature=mhum
and is awesome. have a great new years! and with that, i leave you with a little wisdom:

'just remember, there's cute jealous and theres othello.' -the gilmore girls

cheers,
~*~

DFTBA

at 7.30 xmas morning...

and i haven't slept yet...

it sort of feels like that lately, because, you see, i can't sleep at night and so i end up napping around midday or maybe fifteen hundred and then i sleep for three hours, and then i can't sleep at night... that's what a vicious cycle looks like.


however, it IS xmas, and THAT is a cool thing. i am excited to have breakfast with my family and to open gifts and to see my gifts to others being opened. i always really enjoy that warm little glowy feeling i get when i know that someone is really going to enjoy what i got them.

see? im glowing. what? that's uncle fester? oh...well...tough.


the downside of all of this, however, is that i am still sicker than shit. i don't really appear to be getting any better. which is WICKED lame. i spend most of my time on the couch trying to breathe. also, blowing my nose has become an adventure, the likes of which i am CERTAIN you do NOT want to understand.
suffice it to say, there are tiny evil goblins in my head producing a substance that i personally do not believe should ever reside in the human body. and they have installed delightful little stoppers so that not only can i not breathe, but i cannot remove the obstruction. but ho boy, when i can, it's a horrifying, disgusting show.
THIS guy:

is a DREAM compared to how i'm feeling. also...it hurts to swallow and i'm never hungry. LAME.


but, enough about my terrifying sinus escapades. it's xmas, and i intend to enjoy it, even though i will probably only be semi conscious when i do...in eighteen minutes...when everyone else is waking up...awesome.
welll......deck the halls and all that nonsense.

happy christmas mo'suckras. and also, any other holidays you might celebrate or choose not to celebrate.


cheers!
~*~
DFTBA

so there i was, sleepin on the couch....

because if i lay all the way down...i. can't. breathe.
yea, it's totally awesome.
also, because i am so sick, i had to call in to work today which is something that i have NEVER done at this job. and i feel like an even bigger prat because it's right before christmas and even though they WOULDN'T think it, i am AFRAID that they will think i am just slagging off.
awesome.
so i am home, totally alone, and inside of my head kind of feels like this:

minus all the good times.
and then there is that horrible thing where your nose is totally runny but you can't blow it, and every time you try to NOTHING fucking happens.
BUT, when ever you sneeze, it feels sort of like this:

but not quite so pretty, partly because, well, it's SNOT, and partly because you've bitten your tongue and both of your ears have just popped and you kind of wish you were dead.

but aside from all that you're totally feeling fine.
oh wait.
no you're not.
because, since you've been lying down for so long all your limbs hurt from lack of use and your neck is sore form the couch and the funny angle you've been sleeping in and you are starting to go stir crazy because you are all alone and even though you know you should eat you aren't hungry and even if you did eat you couldn't taste the food anyway and besides that it's completely exhausting to eat because you can't breathe and so even though you know you aren't getting enough nutrition to properly heal you can't really get up the energy to care too much and so you try to watch an episode of n.c.i.s. but you can't get through it because you are too tired and you wake up an hour later to hear your laundry dinging {the one productive thing you've managed to do all fucking day} and after you go put it in the dryer you arrive back at the couch completely knackered only to find that your juice has gone tepid and your tea has gone cold and everything sucks because you're still alone in a big empty house because everyone is at work and so you try to finish that episode you started only to fall asleep again lather rinse repeat.

no? oh...just me then? well..that's fineOW ow fuckity OW!
my ears just popped again for no reason.
brilliant.
i suppose on the upside, i can report that i am on the upswing of my personal crisis from last week, and am feeling much better about myself and the state of things. you know, aside from the plague.
pity party officially over. go home.

aaaaaanywhoooo, i feel sleep comin on. well, it's more like 'i feel sleep beating me over the head with one of those sockem boppers over and over and over again' but that's just semantics i think.
and so, i leave you with some wisdom.

cheers!
~*~
DFTBA

so there i was trying to write...

when i had the worst writers block of all time.
seriously, i think i went through a zillion sheets of paper and i tried a BAzillion chord progressions on my guitar and i just cant write anything and everything sounds wrong and the lyrics are stupid and the melody is boring and its because right now, for some reason, inside my head sort of feels like this:

which is a horrible feeling. its the same sort of feeling like when you go to the fridge and you realize that absolutely everything is making you feel nauseous just looking at it but you know you've got to eat. thats how i feel; like i have to just shut up and take whats going on no matter how sick it makes me feel. which SOUNDS incredibly dramatic, and probably is, but im not one to apologize if im not sorry, and im NOT sorry.
im venting.
also i simply CANNOT focus. on anything. for DAYS now.

i live in a place right now where i am almost entirely cut off from everything i have grown accustomed to over the last four years and the horrible part is that it doesnt feel like a hometown anymore. it feels like a magnifying glass, under which i can see everything that is wrong or seemingly wrong with me and in my whole life. i feel like a spider pinned to a poster-board for some pimply little kids project and i can hear her saying 'mommy there's something wrong with this one. lets throw it away.'

trapped in a glass. thats a bit how i feel tonight. which is rubbish because i have very little, if anything, to be so pissy about. i have a roof, i have food, i have my mom, i have a job.


but im lonely, which is dumb, because i don't have time to be lonely and whats making it worse is that i dont know what i want when it comes to others anymore and so i have no idea how to make myself happy in that area of my life.
i am moving soon, to l.a., and so i dont really want to start anything, but at the same time i hate to be alone, but at the same time STILL i dont want to be with someone JUST because i am lonely because that is ALWAYS a very bad idea. and so now i sort of feel like my heart is turning into this:

which sucks because i love to be in love, but lately i feel so bitter and cranky that i sometimes think i wont ever want to be in love again, which is bullocks and i know its not true but it is a sucky thing to have in the back of your mind and in the pit of your gut anyway. i look at couples and i just get mad and i hear love songs and they make me sad and underlying all of this i think is a sort of jealousy that i can't control and have never felt before.


when i am with someone, jealousy is something that i have never experienced. i am a bit of a freak when it comes to being a girl because i simply dont get jealous in a relationship. but for some reason that doesnt seem to extend to coveting OTHER peoples relationships when i am not in one. its the same kind of jealousy i would get when hilary brown got to have a trampoline or when katrin got to go to peru for a semester. i see it and i want it and it kills me because i dont know WHAT i want.
also, i have the most peculiar standards, about which i am very inflexible, and probably this will decrease my chances of finding that person at least for a very long time but i have never been in a truly healthy relationship before, and i refuse to go through what i went through with my previous paramours. i REFUSE to lower those standards. they are far too complicated to describe here and i am already letting this get away from me but i needed a good rant and im sure that by tomorrow or the next day i will be right as rain, or at least distracted enough to forget that im NOT.

thats a bit how i feel tonight. but hopefully, by tomorrow, i'll feel more like this:

anyhow, before this turns any more angsty and stupid i think im going to go. maybe watch a little ncis; always cheers me up. and so i leave you with the infinite wisdom of rock, paper, cynic.

cheers


~*~
DFTBA

so there i was, watchin N.C.I.S....

and all of a sudden

HOLY CRAP! and because it startles me and i'm not really paying attention, my first thought, OBVIOUSLY, is that i'm suddenly john travolta in phenomenon and the bright light i saw is a brain aneurysm and i will become super brilliant for about a month and then i'm going to die painfully. all of this thinking takes place VERY quickly and i'm only just begining to think, maybe i DIDN'T see it:

well. ok. that's good then. just lightening and thunder. not going to die. duh. because only a moron would think that even for a moment. but i'm sleepy and its dark and i'm really focused on the show. like a nerd. and just when i'm thinking, 'huh, a lightening storm, neat', i hear it. and it is DEAFENING. like woah. there are no words. well, i spose there is ONE word, over and over and over again:

yea. and the way it's beating against my window it sounds like a bunch of angry leprechauns pounding their fists on the glass like i owe'm somethin. at this point, things in corey town are lookin a little bit like this:

and then, because my life isn't feeling like a scary movie enough right now, everything goes dim for a moment. and then, in the creepiest way possible, and for the next minute. at least. THIS happens.

flicker flicker blink blink creep creep. and by now i'm starting to feel VERY foolish. what kind of grown woman, who usually LOVES thunderstorms and lightening, lies, cowering under a bunch of blankies {yes, blankies} lies there and does just that?! THIS ONE is the answer. at this point im pretty sure that even pooky {my teddy bear} is judging me.

yes. feeling VEEEERY gryffindor right now. doesn't help that there isn't a big warm snuggly someone to protect me {not that i NEED protecting of course} but i think it would be nice. which of course sends me {only momentarily of course} into a minor self pity loneliness spiral. i'm better now of course. i have plenty of awesome all by myself to keep me company for a while. ALSO, ive got my good friends gibbs abby and mcgeek to keep me company for now.


                                   
which is what i will now return to. i have three quarters of an episode left, and i intend to sleep afterwards. heh. right. i leave you now with a little wisdom:

'drawn out digressions is a privilege earned.'

cheers!
~*~
DFTBA

so there i was on the computer....

futzin around on the intarwubz, and i realized 'holy crap, self! when did you turn into this totally weird person?!' for starters, i don't think that 'weird' should have the negative connotations it often has. i like being me and i think i'm totally rad. you know, in a totally humble, modest kind of way.

recently, however, i have begun to realize just how different i am from how i used to be, even just a year or two ago. and this got me thinking, i should tell you about me. for those of you who know me well, this probably wont be a terribly interesting revelation, but for those who have NO idea who i am, here it is. and i'm sorry if it devolves into a silly ramble by the end, but hey, i often devolve into a silly ramble.

SO, my name is corey and i am a big nerd which i think is totally awesome and while sometimes i look like this:

more often than not, i look THIS:

yes, that mii in the bottom right corner is snape.

i am an actor and i am going to be moving to big bad l.a. in a few months with two of my best friends, and i can't wait. right now, however, i work HERE:

and i get to ride THIS to work pretty often:

and i get to look at awesome harry potter stuff all day and think about awesome harry potter stuff all day and talk about awesome harry potter stuff all day. which totally wrocks.

however, the not so awesome thing is that i have to commute from a town that is very small, and while it actually is a pretty ok little town and it's modern and we have phones and a highschool and stuff, it feels a little like this:

ever since i was very young, i had the driving need, nay, the all consuming desire to get. the hell. OUT. which i have done {university}, and now that i am living here again, i cannot wait to do....again. and i'm not knockin anybody who lives here or chooses to stay here or anything, i'm just sayin that my big city self can't be contained in this tiny little one horse town, and all that the cliche implies.

so i will work and save {which i am bad at; the saving, not the working} and i will move to l.a. where i will work and save some more and live and do and be and make art and be poor and hopefully get to do some voice acting or some commercial work. because i LOVE voice acting and i want to be the voice of 'that totally awesome character' in 'that totally awesome video game that just came out and changed my life.'

however, for me this is sort of all a means to a greater end which is to move HERE:

not necessarily london, but england. ever since i can remember, THAT'S where i wanna go. i've been there once before and it was only trip i've been on, before or since, where i haven't wanted to come home. like...ever. i felt that feeling you get when a thing is right and you know you belong. i feeling i never felt in my home town and could not even begin to comprehend before i travelled to england. i didn't even know it existed {the feeling, obviously. not england. duh} the theatre, the atmosphere, the landscape, the people, the everything is where my heart is.

now, that is not to say that i don't enjoy each day as it comes or that i will not enjoy the time i spend in l.a., because i'm sure i will. and i do not miss opportunities i have now simply to reach that end. but it is my goal, and is always at the back of my mind. my big dream, as it were.

i don't like to use capital letters unless i am trying to get my point across. i DO like non-sequitors. i have no qualms about admitting that i like television {SOME television} and while i wish i COULD shop more locally and more organically, and was doing really well in college at those things, for now they simply are not in the cards.

i am an honest person, and an amiable person, but i have very little patience for bullshit lies and poor attitudes. especially those people who complain and complain but don't try to do anything about their situation? drives me mad. also, people who can't differentiate between there, their, and they're. jesus. also, i KNOW that i sometimes forget apostrophes, and it's not because i don't know where they go, it is because i am lazy. plain and simple. i also write like i speak, hence all of the commas and the rambling sentences and the shortened words and the crazy liberal use of all caps and italics.

i will answer your question and if it is a question that you do NOT want a real answer to, your feelings would be better off if you didn't ask me. i don't believe in lying to placate unless there are some serious extenuating circumstances. the people who have been my friends for a while know this, and i like to think it's part of my charm.

i like to game, and i wish i had more than just a wii, but thank goodness the boys have a ps3. webcomics and junk are something i've come to love because it helps me remember during those times when EVERYBODY sucks, that there are people out there who are eloquent and clever and funny. i follow several. like a junkie. a big, crazy, crack junkie.

i feel that i've really come a long way since this:

she was a VERY different person. really insecure, really harsh and caustic while at the same time terribly vulnerable and impressionable. in a not great way. {same fashion sense tho, really}

however, thanks to college and having awesome freinds and family as a support structure, i have become a towering behemoth of human awesomeness:

or at least that's what they tell me. that picture was taken at a theme party by the way. we theatre freaks tend to have them as often as we can and that was me bein a punk rock greaser. like ya do.

anyway, this is getting to be a bit long, but i just wanted you all to have a context for who you're dealing with when you read these blogs. i know i like to have a face and personality to go with a writing style. also...i couldn't sleep. which is ANOTHER thing about me that you know now!

thanks bill!

i was at a christmas party tonight which was the cherry on a very good but VERY long day, and i would love to write about it AND other things tomorrow, but right now i can't really focus and i just had to do something. so basically i've been watching hank green and toby turner play assassin's creed brotherhood and writing this very slowly for the last hour. like a G.

so now, in lieu of a clever ending, i give you a little taste of an average day in the life of me! enjoy!

HEY! stop drinkin my lunch, t-REX!

cheers!
~*~

DFTBA